What’s With All the Hot Sauce?
I’m about to either inspire a coming-together-of-wives or elicit an angry riot of husbands, but…
How many bottles of hot sauce does one man need in the house?
My husband, Andy, LOVES heat in his food–and I’m not talking about temperature. I mean, he wants the spicy heat to make him break out in a sweat. My darling will ask the waitress at a fully-authentic Mexican restaurant if the jalapeños they use in their burritos are fresh or the “weak pickled ones out of a can”. Even when he’s assured that the dish is guaranteed to leave him gasping for air, Andy will still ask, “Yeah, but, honestly, is it really hot?”
So, I’m not surprised that we keep a minimum of five bottles of hot sauce in the refrigerator. I’m only just a tad irritated that they require a whole small shelf for themselves. But, when I step into the pantry to grab cinnamon, I growl at having to push past the tall collection of bottles sitting on the shelf in front of the spices. You know…the extra supply of hot sauce bottles. Yeah, those.
If that wasn’t enough to keep a spicy man happy, there are five MORE bottles sitting on the top shelf above the drinking glasses. I’m trying to figure it out; is it because there isn’t enough room in the pantry now? Is that the problem?
I already know Andy’s response–believe me, we’ve discussed it many times.
Yes, I have four containers of coffee creamer in the refrigerator. Two are regular, two are sugar-free. I mix them because my kids warn me that I should cut back on sugar. The Lord and I are working on this together. (Don’t judge me! We are talking about my husband, remember?)
And the level of creativity that goes into enticing hot sauce addicts is amusing. We have a bottle labeled Jamaican Habanero. Does it evoke sensations of being on a Caribbean cruise? Because I may just steal this bottle for myself.
And Garlic Eruption? Honestly, that just sounds painful from all points.
Doesn’t Black Label Reserve sound so elite, like a fine wine that goes for $300 a bottle? Except, I would never spend $300 for a bottle of anything–even my coveted coffee creamer.
In all fairness, I shouldn’t complain too much. I should be thankful that my husband collects hot sauce instead of hot rods because, well…we would end up needing marriage counseling. Just sayin’.
And, as my husband points out, my coffee creamer has waaaayyy more calories than his serving of hot sauce does.
“Touché, my dear. Keep the hot sauce.”