Showing Grace to Myself

I had set out the whole-wheat egg noodles and a container of broth in preparation for making a wholesome chicken noodle soup for dinner tonight. At 3:45 p.m., I sent a text to my husband, “Can you order pizza for dinner? Thin crust pepperoni with green pepper.”

I wasn’t feeling the soup today after all. And I’m OK with that.

I’m a goal-oriented gal—thriving on constructing lists complete with tidy little checkboxes to color in with the completion of each task. For example, during the #last90days of 2019, I have challenged myself to complete five top goals each day and—you guessed it—I color in those five squares every day with great pride

But, when I look at my list of “things to accomplish”, I fuss over any empty squares staring vacantly up at me from the page—like inconspicuous portholes to the Land of the Losers. (Yeah, I know…dramatic.)

Does that make me a perfectionist? Is that a bad or a good thing?

This bleeds over into my “cloak-and-dagger” sidekick of being an author. Being an author is the Ultimate Cure for Perfectionism.

The words never flow on paper (or screen) like I imagine them in my mind and it doesn’t matter that I’ve run my work through paid versions of Grammarly and ProWritingAid or forked out big bucks for a professional to edit my manuscript: There will STILL be missed errors.

This is where the Frozen song, Let it Go, might prove helpful…if I wasn’t already sick of hearing the kids at school sing it. 

Even better, I should park myself in front of my mirror (Where, ironically, I have written the words “You are Enough” with a dry-erase marker) and remind myself to show a little grace to the girl in the mirror. 

I’m considering rethinking how I design my list of things to do as well, adding little checkboxes for items like:

• sit and stare out the window for fifteen minutes—do nothing else 
• enjoy the dust on the furniture today—scribble your name in it for fun

Then, color those squares in like a rock star!