The Devastation of Isolation

In the 1980s, the state of many Romanian orphanages–housing over 170,000 children–was exposed to the world with heartbreaking details of the horrors of neglect and isolation.

Communist dictator, Nicolae Ceausescu, encouraged Romanians to increase the population in order to boost the economy. But the plan backfired as food and supplies needed for this increasing population were used, instead, to pay off the national debt. Desolate families turned their children over to state-run institutions where they were caged in cribs, locked in dark rooms, and cut off from nurturing or social interaction.

Ceausescu was deposed and executed in 1989.

But the damage had been done.

The world got its first real glimpse at the aftermath of the neglect and isolation of these children.

A journalist visiting these institutions described the infant room in one orphanage as eerily silent. The uncharacteristic quietness was explained by an observer:

“…the infants had learned that their cries were not responded to…the babies lay in cribs all day, except when being fed, diapered or bathed on a set schedule. They weren’t rocked or sung to. Many stared at their own hands, trying to derive whatever stimulation they could from the world around them.”

What a tragic example of neglect and the effects of being denied human contact. These precious children suffered severe repercussions as a result of being thrust into an environment of isolation. They were neglected, ignored, and denied one of the most powerful driving forces on earth: the need to connect with others.

They had no voice…no protector…no retribution for what was stolen from them.

However, when faced with reaching out for help and connecting with others, most of us do have a choice.

And (my heart aches as I type this) many willingly choose the institution.

They isolate themselves. Abandon their inherent nature for connectivity…with just as dire consequences as these children faced and, sadly, to their own self-destruction.

Isolation as a Means for Control

We know that some cultures use isolation or banishment as a form of punishment for offenders. Why is this so effective? Because we understand that human contact is essential to our survival and that the loss of it can be as painful and debilitating as being physically tortured.

So, why would anyone willingly isolate themselves from others when we are intricately designed to need each other and crave physical connectedness?

Isolation as a Means for Self-Preservation

Sometimes a person feels rejected from the world and struggles with depression or anxiety as a result. Like a child that repeatedly feels the stinging slap on their hand every time they reach for the hot stove, they withdraw and recoil from social interaction as an internal defense mechanism.

They feel they cannot connect with others because they have been frustrated by past experiences and refuse to reach out and try again.

An abused wife feels safer hiding her heartbreak and deep shame from the world by withdrawing from society. A husband who has suffered anguish as a result of his wife’s infidelity builds walls around his heart and guards himself against any future vulnerability.

These broken people allow numbness to creep into their souls as they shrivel into the safe cocoon of isolation. But–unlike the glorious butterfly that emerges after a season–they slowly deteriorate inside until there is nothing left but the eroded remnant of their protective shell.

This is what is so devastating about isolation.

Isolation never has a good outcome. Its aftermath is unfulfilled desires and guaranteed emotional death.

We Need Each Other

We were never meant to be a solitary ship on the open sea or an eagle soaring alone across the vast, endless sky. God created us to be connected and dependent on one another. It’s the intuitive desire He wove into our being that makes us crave relationships with others. We can deny it or crush the yearning, but the desire for it will always lay dormant in our soul, patiently waiting to be re-awakened.

God wasn’t satisfied with Adam strolling through the Garden of Eden connecting to animals all day. That was never His plan. God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone.” (Genesis 2:18) That’s where the beauty of the woman’s role was evident. She was the missing piece that completed and complimented Adam’s existence.

Without a connection to others, your imagination can hijack your emotions.

You expose yourself to feeling paranoid about everything around you. You’ve rejected a support network –the lifeline that pulls you back in when your emotions drift off course.

Instead of bouncing thoughts off of others to help gauge the accuracy of your assumptions, you attempt to interpret them by your own set of standards. The Bible warns us to “…lean not unto thine own understanding…” (Proverbs 3:5) because our emotions cannot be trusted. They run into the walls you have surrounded yourself with like a racquetball bouncing dangerously around us.

With no one to help mediate our feelings of fear, anger, anxiety, etc., we succumb to a distorted view of the world. We cannot even view our own emotions with clarity.

It becomes too hard to fight any longer and…we give up.

With our heads hung in despair, we walk ourselves into the prison of isolation and shove the lock into place.

Wait…There is Another Choice.

There is no escaping the pain that comes from living in an imperfect world. Others will hurt and disappoint you. But, there are many that won’t–that are reaching out to connect with you and need you as much as you need them. You just have to find each other and (you knew this part was coming, right?) you cannot do that if you isolate yourself.

Let’s not leave God out of the equation.

Get a Bible and read Psalm 139 in its entirety. Let me highlight a portion for you:

“Whither shall I go from thy spirit? or whither shall I flee from thy presence? If I ascend up into heaven, thou art there: if I make my bed in hell, behold, thou are there. If I take the wings of the morning, and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea; Even there shall thy hand lead me, and thy right hand shall hold me.”

(Psalm 139:7-10)

When your soul cries out, my friend, you do not have to fear that you will not be heard. There are those that are listening, that will respond, but they cannot force their will on you.

It is hard to find someone who does not want to be found.

You, my friend, have to make that choice…